Don't break the Illusion

Men are from Mars, women are from Venus. Yes we are different and that's the way you need to keep it. At least from this man's point of view, I don't want a woman who acts like any of my male friends. This does not imply that both the sexes aren't equal or that one can't do what the other does. What this does mean is if a woman ever participated in a burping contest, regardless if she won or not, that is not the kind of woman for me. While we all do these kinds of things because it is a natural bodily function, there is an illusion so to speak that you block out that kind of image. If you think back to the whole illusion of dating, people are on their best behavior to make a positive impression. Once the relationship reaches a comfortable point some of those "good manners" fall by they way side. Conversely, I've seen talk shows where husbands had never seen their wife without make up on, she would wake up every morning before he did just to put it on. While this is extreme it is creating an illusion that they chose to maintain. Sometimes the illusion is broken temporarily, we are only human after all, but it can quickly be blocked out of your mind and reestablished. The point is we all create illusions when dating and it's important to keep them as much as possible, obviously it worked and it's what the other person wanted if the relationship lasts and is working. I don't recall the source or the exact quote but in essence it was "respect each other as if you where strangers", great idea IMO. After almost a year and a half I think we do a good job of following that advise. I guess now I know why the phrase "t.m.i." as become so widely used, it's another way of saying you just broke the illusion I had of you and I wish you hadn't. We are all magicians of sorts, do you know what illusions are important to you and which ones you should keep?

hello? are you receiving?

More times than not I keep things inside rather than communicating them. I know it's because of unrealistic fears or hurting someone's feelings or being embarrassed.....

Pink Floyd

(David Gilmour/Richard Wright/Polly Samson)

For millions of years mankind lived just like animalsThen something happened which unleashed the power of our imaginationWe learned to talk

There's a silence surroundiing me

I can't seem to think straight

I'll sit in the corner

No one can bother meI think

I should speak now (why won't you talk to me)

I can't seem to speak now (you never talk to me)

My words won't come out right (what are you thinking)

I feel like I'm drowning (What are you feeling)

I'm feeling weak now (why won't you talk to me)

But I can't show my weakness (you never talk to me)

I sometimes wonder (what are you thinking)

Where do we go from here (what are you feeling)

It doesn't have to be like this

All we need to do is make sure we keep talking

Why won't you talk to me (I feel like I'm drowning)

You never talk to me (you know I can't breathe now)

What are you thinking (we're going nowhere)

What are you feeling (we're going nowhere)

Why won't you talk to me

You never talk to me

What are you thinking

Where do we go from here

It doesn't have to be like this

All we need to do is make sure we keep talking

Reading is fun-d-mental

I've never been a big reader of books. I don't read instructions for things unless I absolutely need to (and that's rare!). If you saw my huge collection of books it would seem to make these statements contradictory. I do like books on how to do things. The attention and time required makes all the difference as to what kind of book I buy. Maybe I have some A.D.D. (search YouTube for Sean Morey "The A.D.D. Song", it explains a lot lol.

Even in school I rarely read any of the text books but learned by listening to the teacher I guess. That will only get you so far, and for me it didn't get me all that far, B's and C's mostly. The rare few books that I have read are by R. A. Salvatore. I don't have all of his books but someday I probably will. I'm not sure how many he has written but there are many novels. The theme that I most favor are the ones related to the Drow Elf trilogy. He's written some Star Wars books too I think, but I haven't investigated those yet.

If you look hard enough chances are you can find a book that someone has read and recorded so you can listen to it rather than read it. And of course there are official audio books. What can I say, I would rather listen to them than to read them. Remnants of the old fashion radio shows maybe and why people liked those. Or the convenience to pop in a cd and listen to it while in the car or on an mp3 player.

In this day and age of easy to pirate music and media you can even get books in pdf format or something like that. Even if you do get an audio version of a book that is no authorized I would encourage you to still go and purchase the book and support your favorite author. Hopefully I will get around to reading the books I have purchased many years ago. But even if I don't I hope in some small way I have supported my favorite author and he will continue to write for all the others who enjoy his work too. If you can follow twisting plots and keep track of how intertwined characters can become with each other and can think "outside the box" you should at the very least go to the book store and find something by R. A. Salvatore and read a little of it. I would highly recommend the Drow Elf Trilogy which I think he is best known for.

Remember the song "video killed the radio star"? Has Kindle killed books, or will it soon? What will be the fate of libraries? I guess once voice recognition becomes common place the written word will be dead too. R.I.P.

2 steps back

Actually it would be more accurate to say a bunch of steps back.

Since all the chaos and upheaval the separation and custody proceeding have caused, things looked like where going to calm down and normalize some. But noooo can't have that.

A few years ago I filed to have the child support for my oldest child stopped when she turned 18, which the court here did. However come to find out (recently) in New York child support is paid until the age of 21. I think most states the age is 18. So recently they not only restarted the child support but hit me with over $7000 in back child support. Keep in mind I have paid my lawyer around $10,000. This takes out a large amount of my monthly budget. This leaves me in the situation of not having enough money left over at the end of the month for all my bills. I have 6 months left on my lease which they won't let me out of. Even with all the attempts to figure something out with the landlord it seems I may have to just let them take me to court. Several people have responded to my sublet ad, but the landlord's agent said I can't sublease. The lease says all I need is written permission. They have not provided any reasons as to why they won't let me try this to pay the rent. From what I have read, in most states the landlord has a duty to mitigate damages from a broken lease. Since I am attempting to do just that, I can't imagine a judge ruling against me since if they weren't being such (insert bad word here)they could still get their rent. This isn't something I wanted or desired but rather have been forced into. Due to the fact that I have my kids every weekend, having the gas and electric turned off isn't an option, it' doesn't cost that much anyway so it wouldn't help.

So from these events I'm forced to move back in with my mother. This isn't as bad as it may seem. My soon to be ex didn't pay the mortgage to the point where it was going to be foreclosed on. To avoid this my mother and her husband purchased the house for what was owed on it (less than we purchased it for over 4 years ago). So what that means is the kids will have their old bedrooms again when they are with me and I should get more visitation. The yard is very large about 3/4 of an acre. There's room in the basement for a ping pong table even if the ceiling is a little low. I haven't had to really live and consider anyone Else's rules, I was the rule maker. For the three of us a one bedroom apartment was a bit small (and no yard) even if we where hardly ever there. So the extra room will be nice but somehow I feel like I'm loosing some of my freedom. It's a small price to pay for the opportunity to have my boys with me more often. I am concerned how it will affect the relationship between my s.p. and myself. There won't be a lot of alone time, not that there ever was but now it will all have to be at her place I guess.

Do you take your freedoms for granted? I know I have and do.

Take a hike

(photo stolen/borrowed from http://kitkat4real.blogspot.com/)
The weather this past Saturday was gorgeous. That morning was a bit on the cool side, but that was good for my oldest son who had baseball practice. The temperature was in the upper 70's, sunny and with a breeze by that afternoon. It would have been good kite flying weather. After the practice we went to my shopping partner's house, (I'll start calling her s.p. just to annoy her, it will be great fun) then to an outdoor car show. We ate lunch there and at some point I realized I had a sun burn. After spending a little time there we loaded up the car and headed for a camp ground where her sister and brother in law were staying.

Side note: We do travel a little bit so we have made a first aid kit of sorts. Do a search for many many ideas of what to pack. Our kit contains various over the counter medicines for adults and kids, pocket sized rain coats and the standard first aid type things.

Both of us had some empty drink containers that we reuse as water bottles. Buying it is just too expensive. A local sporting goods store is closing so I purchase a couple of small fishing backpacks (I took one of them with us) for the boys. Along with the water I packed extra socks, pants and shirts. My trunk was pretty full but we where well prepared. It didn't take as long to get there as she thought. But finding the correct site was a bit of a challenge even though there weren't that many occupied camp sites. All we had to do was look for a white mini-van. We drove up and back again and after we found the black mini-van we where in the right place. The sites are right next to a small stream which of course the kids would be playing in. But I kept them dry as we had planned on going for a long hike. Walking and wet feet equals torn skin and blisters. We repacked the backpack with things we'd want for the hike, water, snacks and the first aid kit. I adjusted the straps so it would fit me well. So we set off along with her sister, 2 nieces and another boy who's family was camping with them. The breeze kept the bugs away thankfully. As always my youngest and I scoured the ground for interesting looking rocks. The trails where well marked and our destination was a water fall. Following the stream, the trail went up and down and across the stream a couple of times. As we got close the the water fall it got steeper and one section was down right scary. A make shift hand rail of pvc pipe, rope and even some old electrical wire was put in (totally useless as a hand rail). At certain points in the trail we had to carefully navigate the small make shift bridges, some of which where just stones sticking above the water's surface. The water wasn't deep by any means, but it was still wet! So finally reaching the bottom of the water fall we next had to figure out a way up some huge boulders to see the pool at the bottom of the fall. My oldest was just loving it and wanted to climb everything and everywhere. He took a long way to the top because it meant climbing more rocks. On the other hand, I assisted everyone up a spot that looked like it had some foot holds. There is a trail that leads up to the very top of the fall, but it was too steep to try this time, maybe next time. The younger kids enjoyed throwing rocks in the water. My oldest noticed on the cliff next to the fall a snake who was attempting to crawl up the rock face. S.P. always brings her camera and they took some pictures of it.

Side note: More than once (many) times I stopped and waited while S.P. took some pictures along the way (and back again). She does get some really great shots which means I don't have to worry about taking any myself.

After the thrilling rock climb, my sons noticed some people not using the trail but walking up the stream instead, going from rock to rock. I guess it goes without saying but the next words where "Dad can I do that?" So after pointing out that some rocks had algae on them which made them very slippery I said sure, just be careful. At most they would get wet since the water wasn't even ankle deep in most places. I watched them from the trail as the hopped from rock to rock. They even looked ahead like a chess game to see what their next move should be. Not being mountain goats they did slip into the water now and then which is what I expected. After arriving back at the camp site we ate. After that they continued to play in the near by stream while we talked around the fire. Once it started getting dark it was time to dry off. My oldest sneakers where the only things that got wet, my youngest changed into some dry clothes. All the way back from the water fall and into the night they talked about our adventure (mostly my oldest) and how they wanted to go back and climb to the top of the water fall. Their shoes never did dry out and the next day when their mother picked them up they had to walk bare foot to the car. I'm sure she was thrilled. Sneakers will dry out eventually, but I don't think they will forget the fun they had any time soon. Should this become a regular activity we will all need to get proper hiking boots.

Is keeping clothes clean and dry worth more than making wonderful memories?

Where are the good deals?

Like most people money is tight and wise shopping is a must. Although it annoys my shopping partner a little, I will examine the various brands and compare the unit price. Funny thing about those unit prices, when looking at let's say cereal, sometimes it's per ounce and yet right next to a different brand twin (off brand) has a unit price in pounds. The point is the units of measure are NOT always the same or consistent. Your cell phone has a calculator so divide the pounds by 16 to get price per ounce (yeah I've had to do this). Now, somethings I will not get the store brand name, because of the quality and taste difference. The other day we went to the grocery store and I gave them my little key fob for the "discounts" and my receipt said "you saved $6" which my thought and reply is usually, "no, I didn't save $6, I just spent $35". Now if that $6 magically appeared in my pocket and I put it in the bank, then yeah I guess I would have saved $6. Along with this "saving" if you spend a certain amount get can get 10 cents off a gallon at their gas station. I do use this if I'm close to one but to drive out of my way just doesn't make any sense at all. Consider this, if you pump in 15 gallons of gas, with that 10 cents off you'll have not spend (notice I didn't say saved) an extra $1.50!! Woopy! go buy a soda with it, not worth driving an extra 5 minutes out of my way for a $1.50. If time is money, how much is your time worth?
Online shopping: In the past years I have made many online auction and web site purchases. These days the auctions for regular type items are rarely cheaper once you calculate in shipping. I want to add some modifications to my car. The new parts are no bargain at all, the used ones are few and they aren't always in the best condition. Make friends with a parts manager and see if they can get you a discount.
So next time add the shipping and compare to what you can buy the item for locally. If it's a high dollar item it may be worth it depending on your local tax rate.
Now this does not necessarily apply to unique items like antiques or collectibles.
There are deals are still out there, just harder to find. I do shop at one specific site for specific items because it is cheaper than buying locally, but other than just that one I haven't found any good deals like I use to.
How good a shopper are you? Find any good deals lately?

You throw like a girl

This year I have noticed that several of the kids on my oldest son's baseball team don't know how to throw. Although some can still throw it far and fast their form is horrible. This is something learned rather than inborn.
My youngest (who doesn't play) and I where playing catch before practice last night. I've been trying to help him develop a decent throwing form. While he isn't much into sports, I could tell he was really thinking about his form and the instructions I was giving him. Several times he made some really good throws and catches too. His friend showed up (the younger brother of a player), and I asked him if he wanted to go play with him. I knew he would want to and I wasn't going to make him stay there and play catch with me. He said he did want to play with him, but "after one more catch". It took a couple of tries but he did end on the positive note of having made one last catch. In contrast, when playing catch with my oldest son, at some point I usually have to say OK, I've had enough I'm too tired. After two hours or more it wears me out.
For kids in sports proper form is important for many reasons. In games that require throwing, it can cause great strain on the elbow, especially pitchers. Like most things proper form is for safety and optimal function.
I'm not sure how the term "you throw like a girl" started, but if you look at women's sports today it would be a compliment. There are many video clip examples of throwing,kicking and hitting techniques for various sports and yes, even books, imagine that. So even if you can't throw, try to give your child instruction on proper form for their benefit and self esteem. Nothing worse than playing school yard baseball or softball and being criticized by other children about the way you throw.
Do you throw like a girl?